By Evangelist Nidicka Frederick
God shared with me lessons that day that I continue to share in seminars, in therapy and now with you about Surrender and it is my sincerest hope that you will allow my journey to create within you an option for freedom from self prescribes anxieties much like those I once prescribed myself. In my book God’s Perfect Truth, I wrote about an incredible experience I had with the Lord. I was having a recurring dream for months. It was driving me insane (so I thought at the time) and I would have done anything just to make it go away. I would wake up in the middle of the night to the taste of my own tears or have my husband awake me with a gentle “Ne, it’s happening again.”
This dream was the equivalent of a nightmare not because it echoed images of ghost and goblins but because of its haunting affects. In short, in this dream I was surrounded by millions of faceless people, all in white and one of them slipped me a bag. I accepted the bag and allowed my curiosity to take a peek into the bag and found every infirmity of my life inside of it. I could feel myself losing all hope and dreams as fear, jealousy, insecurity, restlessness, pain and anxiety were part of its content.
Now the owner of this cursed purse, I became determined to give this package back to the same faceless person that had given it to me. Everyone else seemed smarter than me knowing not to take ownership of this bag and although I could hear a voice saying “Give it to me, I will take it”, I was hell bent and determined to give it back exclusively, to its rightful owner (despite having absolutely no way to identify a face being amongst thousands of other faceless beings).
When God paints a picture, He can paint it in all white yet make it brilliantly colorful at the same time! I now understand that it was the Lord asking to relieve me of my burdens and that even with Him as the only viable option, I was determined to handle things myself. Much like in my real life, in my dreams, I thought that if I just tried hard enough and were persistent enough that “I” could affect those people in my life who were making me into the version of myself I had become. Everything wrong with me was someone else’s fault and the result of someone else’s actions against me so I felt obligated to make them “own” their part in my misery. But God doesn’t work that way. God was waiting for me to SURRENDER. In order for God to relieve me I had to first be willing to change my perspective about what was binding me and holding me captive to my despair and I believe God is also waiting for you.